THE MENTAL JOURNEY

I came here all fired up for a post and then decided to share some resources and stumbled onto something that--as a health professional, public relations professional, and as an IP client--made me furious. Now, I want to go there and tear her a new a-hole and counter everything her blog says about why this diet is not ideal. But, no. I will keep this about me and not give ignorance one more bit of airtime. I did not need to read this ignorant doubt today.

That's been kind of a theme the last two days anyhow, giving ignorance airtime. The way that people react to awful things is less than okay. The events in Ottawa have set our Country on some divisive witch hunt and warpath, while the other half mourns peace and our soldiers and the possibility that our naive feeling of safety may have just been that--naive.

I woke up this morning feeling kind of rough. I had my flu shot yesterday and I think it tired me out. This is normal because your body does raise your antigens to fight off the injected flu. That's how you develop immunity. Anyway, I was feeling down and questioning...is this just water weight? Will I lose tomorrow? What if it doesn't work.

I think it comes from too many efforts and so much blame. Blame from myself. Blame from others. Blame from doctors.

My dieting OCD

I worry right down to the minutae, the last gram of measurement. I stress because yesterday we had soup. Piedad made it and I know she didn't weigh the chicken or properly measure the veggies. I know that I can eyeball my cucumber when they are in a 2 cup container. But, I feel like I need to be more scientific. Like somehow, I failed to calculate the air that comes between each slice or that I need to cut it up into fine bits for accuracy (but grosser eating). Or, with cabbage, how do I account for the fact that shredded cabbage takes up less room than chunked. This gives me stress. I worry that if I don't measure this just so, and I don't always know for sure, that I will not lose. And, I so desperately want to lose--I want 100 lbs yesterday. What if I had too much sodium and am retaining water? Where is my period anyhow--could that make me keep weight that I should be shedding? SO MUCH ANXIETY! I don't have to be perfect everyday. I am sure that I have a tiny amount of wiggle room for perfection but I'm so used to being so broken that no other diet worked with or without a bit of wiggle room.

It's all highs and lows. Most of the time, though, I feel very high and happy and excited.

I have tried so many things and have failed. Some of that was on me and my consistency, sure. But, consistently I've tried things and started out so strong and then hit a 10 lb wall and not went any further. This time, I will feel better once I hit the 20 lb mark. Hopefully that won't take too long. That will be more than I have ever done before, in the past 13 years since I gained this weight in the first place. I'm already seeing small wins...the pants I bought before I started the diet now fit and then I had trouble getting them fastened. Small wins.

Then Monday is my birthday and I have to figure out how to feel like I celebrated it without the typical booze, food and cake. No issue. I'm going hiking.

And, I'm already worrying about my Christmas vacation. We are heading to Spain for 3 weeks and it is my first time there. I feel like I will want to eat and drink my way through the place. But, I have lots of time to make a game plan. It will be okay.

Tomorrow is a new day and I'm off to get weighed. I hope the results are something that can motivate me for another round of obsessiveness and self doubt. I've been a good girl, so I really hope it shows.

On the plus side

We have eaten through every bit of vegetable in our fridge in a systematic way. We have had literally zero waste. 

So, I'm off to get groceries again. 

IDEAL PROTEIN: NET CARBS AND I'M ALREADY DOING IT WRONG

So, I'm not going to lie. The last few days haven't been easy. I've been hungry. I've been headachy. I have not felt like I have been going into Ketosis.

Yesterday, I went to the drug store and got some Ketostix. I am not registering any ketones at all. I have been following Ideal Protein to the t, so it was frustrating. The ketosis phase of the diet means that you start to feel better, use your stored fat instead of consumed carbs for energy, which makes you feel more energetic and less like crap.

So, the process is to pee on the stick and line up the colour with the bottle. Piedad did this as well, and on her own diet of costco protein shakes and protein bars and veggies and a bit more fat, she registered moderately ketonic. I registered as none. Frustrating! I tried again first thing this morning, thinking that my 3.5l of water yesterday would have diluted me, and still nothing.

Nothing like giving yourself a urine test! 

I did find a great article here about not worrying about ketostix.

I watched my morning video from Ideal Protein and it was excellent help. I already thought I might have messed up with the carbs but the video on net carbs and restricted foods made me think. I already know that I am insulin resistant so it is highly likely that I should probably have less than the 40 the diet seems to keep you in. What I did not realize was that the diet doesn't even make 40 an easy number to attain.

I went to Calorie King to lookup all of the vegetables that I've been eating and made note of the net carbs (carbs-dietary fibre=net carbs, Dr. Atkins had already gotten me that far). I was shocked and horrified to find out that I had eaten more than 40, even more than 45 net carbs everday so far. That's 3 days wasted. And, means that I have to give my IP foods a lot more thought to get myself down to the 30 net carbs that I'm targeting with hopes that this will be enough for my body to enter ketosis.

Since I have already gone through the trouble, here's some of my net carbs calculations. You may find these surprising. I'm sure going to miss those chocolate caramel bars. Last night we went to thanksgiving dinner at a friends and I had a bit more turkey than my 8 oz and 1 cup of cooked cabbage and 1 cup of cooked turnip. Later, when the desserts came out I had my protein bar. It didn't feel like I was deprived at all. As a matter of fact, I probably enjoyed that turkey more than any other I've ever had.

Ideal Protein Foods

Oatmeal: 7 

Cereal: 12

Pasta (tomato and basil rotini): 6

Chocolate Caramel bar: 15

Creamy Chicken Soup: 1

Chocolate Shake: 2 

Vegetables

All veggies are measured in 1 cup

Broccoli: 3.5   Cooked Broccoli: 6.1 

Cucumber: 2

Romaine lettuce: .5 

Iceberg lettuce: .9

Kohlrabi: 3.3    Cooked Kohlrabi: 9.2

Red Pepper: 3.9   Cooked Red Pepper: 4.4

Orange & Yellow Pepper: 4.9

Cauliflower: 3   Cooked Cauliflower: 1.8

Turnip: 6.1   Boiled Turnip: 4.8

Green Pepper: 2.7 

Celery: 1.9

Cabbage: 3.2   Boiled Cabbage: 3.3

Milk

Skim Milk (1 oz) : 1.5 depending on brand